Soulful Search for A Soulmate

Jakarta, 22 February 2005

Written under Miss Sassy (5)

Cate and I recently spent another Sunday discussing, pondering, and ultimately bemoaning the fate of our love lives. Judging at the going rate of our spending quality romantic time with a gentleman, we think we have none.

It’s not that we didn’t go out on dates. We even had perpetual dates with certain men. But none led to a steady relationship of love and commitment. Now, don’t you jump on thinking that we’re bridezilla wannabes here. We’d love to get hitched at one point, but we’re not obsessing about it. We’re obsessing of finding a soul mate.


Ha! The very word that sent chills down some skeptical spines, I bet. Does it exist? Is there only one soul for another? Is it guaranteed that you’ll find and recognize it, then spend a happily ever after?

Both Cate and I are optimistic Sagittarians. We basically believe that a soul mate is someone whose heart and mind speak to yours without words, who understand and accept you more than others, whom you never know needed until they arrive in your life. We also believe that we’ll find our soul mate and ride together into the sunset against all odds. This is precisely why the years of lies and betrayals, by stream of unworthy scoundrels, have taken us aback.

Sipping her gourmet coffee, Cate suggests that perhaps we’ve believed wrong.

I disagree, since I still think that soul mates do exist, find each other and living their true love forever. But I’ve just started to suspect that not everybody is blessed with that. Maybe, some are destined to spend their entire life moving from one relationship to another in their hopeful search of finding it. They experience the highest highs and lowest lows possibly happen in a romantic realm. We recognize them in friends, colleagues, relatives, even total strangers. We hear the tales, read the books, see movies or listen to the music inspired by these people’s tragic love stories, hurting and shedding our tears, then quietly thank the Almighty that we have someone by our side.

It sounds awful, gasps Cate.

Yes, but not impossible. So far love tragedy has made the most compelling tale. The unrequited love of the reclusive Phantom of the Opera and the gullible Little Mermaid. The too-late-realization, as told in countless country songs, where the former love has moved on or consumed by death. Even the forbidden love between characters played beautifully by Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott-Thomas in The English Patient got us rooting for them, despite the fact that she was a married woman. Because afterall, they pursued their true love.

Cate is panicking. I don’t want to be one of those unfortunate souls, she shrieks.

No one wants to be martyrs, no matter how glorious history would later hail us. We all want to be happy on our own terms. But life doesn’t always roll the way we want it, non? What if, during our trying times, we actually serve as a reminder for those who are having a blast, so they become grateful for what they have? It won’t take away the sorrow and make the scoundrels nobler, but it may make it seem less wasteful of our time. It may not stop us from sobbing for hours over the loss of yet another promising union, but perhaps will make us feel less lonely because we know people around us are learning a life lesson, and by that accompanying us in this leg of journey. Until we meet The One.

But first, I’ll need to order some hot tea to calm Cate down.

As published:


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